A guide to flirting - how to flirt without being creepy 💑
Avoid these 4 mistaktes and step up your flirting game
A few nice words before we start:
First of all, this post is mainly directed to men. Of course, reading this blog post as a woman might help you identify a problem or two in your own flirting-game as well, so I encourage you to read on.
Many of us would love to come across as a cool, sympathetic, down to earth person, especially when flirting with a charming hot girl. Unfortunately, flirting, as well as many other social skills, aren't taught in school, which is why there are still a lot of people that accidentally come over as creepy, especially when trying to flirt with others.
In this blog post, we look at a few common mistakes and how you can avoid them.
Mistake Nr. 1 - The most common flirting mistake. 😶
You might have experienced this mistake yourself before: Let's assume you have spotted a beautiful girl at the club and decided to approach her. Already while approaching her, you might be starting to idealize her in your mind. Maybe you start making things up, or you might just think about how awesome she looks in that dress. In just a few seconds, you've idealized this woman in your head and this results in one crucial mistake: When a guy wants a girl more than she wants him, he might come across as creepy.
Before you even started a conversation, you've already convinced yourself that she's an amazing girl, just based on her looks.
To avoid this mistake in the future, try realizing, that every girl has a lot of other qualities such as "being a fun person" or "having an interesting life", which have to match with your personal lifestyle as well. Next time, ask yourself this question before approaching an attractive girl:
"Yes, she is hot but what else does she have going for her?". This will automatically make you seem more selective and in return making you look more attractive to her. That's right - by being more picky and not idealizing every hot girl you see on the street you get across as a confident man, being selective with women and that's a personality trait that's invaluable.
Mistake Nr. 2 - Too much eye contact... or too little? 👀
We've all learned before that too much eye contact can make the other person feel uncomfortable with you. Especially if you stare at them for too long they feel like you invade their personal space (which is exactly what you're doing) and might even feel scared of you.
But did you know, that too little eye contact can be just as uncomfortable? Why? Imagine being at a party and all of a sudden someone pops up in front of you and starts talking to you. Creepy, right?
So here's what you should do instead:
- Seek eye contact with the other person.
- If you have eye contact, hold it for about 1 or two seconds and smile at the other person
- If she doesn't smile back or looks away try again for maybe one or two times but give up if she still doesn't smile back (she's clearly not interested in you if that's the case)
- If she does smile back to you, walk casually into her direction and keep eye contact. Important: If you don't approach her and if you are just repeating steps 1 - 3 you might make her feel uncomfortable or at least uncertain. If you're not ready to approach someone then don't do any of these steps.
Mistake Nr. 3 - Beeing a fake person (or exaggerating compliments) 💁♂️
Being fake is never good, especially if you're trying to be someone else. It's a well-known dating-fact that you should stick to the way you are. But did you know that you can also come across as a fake person by using the wrong compliments? There is a difference between flattery and compliments.
Per definition, flattery is defined as praise or compliments, usually exaggerated or false, or: excessive, untrue, or insincere praise. A compliment instead, is always sincere and genuine. It's great to use compliments in your flirting game but stay away from using flattery.
Here are a few examples of flattery in use:
- OMG John, you're so good at maths! By the way, can you help me with that question?
- Sir, your new haircut suits you really well! (and then proceeding to ask for a raise)
- You are soooo beautiful, you look like you're an angel that fell from heaven! How can such a beautiful girl like you even exist in this world?
Contrary to most people's beliefs, people can spot flattery pretty quickly and it makes you seem like a fake person. Exaggerated compliments or flattery make someone feel as if you want something from them (even if you just wanted to be nice and tell them how much you appreciate them), which results in them not truly appreciating your "compliment".
To avoid this mistake in the future, give sincere compliments about what you really like about the person you're talking to. And if there's nothing to praise - don't praise anything. And by the way: try not to stick with compliments related to looks. Here are some of my favorite compliments I regularly use:
- You should be proud of yourself
- I really like your perspective on this topic
- You're more fun than bubble wrap (this one is cheesy but I like it 🧀)
- I like that you're not to be yourself, that's incredible
- You always know how to find that silver lining!
- One smile of you can make my day
- You're a great listener
- I love how much I can learn from you
- Your enthusiasm is contagious
What I also like to do is to use compliments combined with jokes. That way you can even exaggerate a bit without coming across as creepy or inappropriate. Before you do this though, make sure you know the person well enough and you're sure she gets your humor.
Mistake Nr. 4 - Not showing enough interest.
Alright, we had the exact opposite at number one and now, at number 4 we talk about not showing enough interest?
Yes, especially guys tend to let the girls wait a little bit too long when it comes to texting back. Many people think that you seem uncool or too available if you text back too fast and therefore wait for many hours or even days before replying to a message of a girl they like.
Unfortunately, the only message this brings across to the girl is that you probably aren't interested in her. Although it can make you seem uncool or too available when responding too quickly, this is only true to some extent. If you're always replying within minutes then yes - you might wanna take a break for a few hours once in a while.
If you like someone, don't be afraid to show it. And even more important: don't try to force "chatting-rules" onto yourself. Try to live a busy and amazing life and reply whenever you find the time. It's ok if you can't write back for a day once in a while but try to not make it a habit.